In my happiness workshops, I ask people, “What is beyond your control? What DON’T you have complete control over?”
I get answers like the weather, taxes, accidents, natural disasters, your boss, your significant other, etc., which is true.
Then I ask them, “What do you have total and complete control over?” I hear things like: yourself, what you eat, what you wear, what time you get up, your actions, and your attitude.
Actually, I think Napoleon Hill was more correct when he said the ONLY thing over which you have total and complete control is your thoughts. Your thoughts control your body and emotions. However, if you become paralyzed from the neck down, the only thing remaining before you become permanently unconscious (death) is your thoughts. Therefore, no matter what happens, the ONLY thing over which you have TOTAL and COMPLETE control is your thoughts.
That being said, the fastest way to become UNhappy is to adopt the following belief:
If (fill in the blank — something/anything beyond my control) happens, THEN I’ll be happy.
Examples:
If the weather is perfect (or just the way I like it), then I will be happy.
If my significant other can read my mind (or pick up their clothes, or appreciate me more, etc.), then I will be happy.
If I am guaranteed that I will never have to experience a natural disaster in my entire life, then I will be happy (and free from fear).
If my boss appreciates me and expresses that appreciation the way I want it, then I will be happy.
Since we’ve established that the ONLY thing over which you have total and complete control is YOUR THOUGHTS, wouldn’t the above beliefs by definition be insane or at the very least irrational? If you can’t control anything but your thoughts, then believing that you CAN control things beyond your control is irrational, is it NOT?
To be happy, thinking rationally is good start! If you want to be happy, let go of everything beyond your control. You can’t control it anyway! Allow “what is” to be. Don’t condition your happiness on things beyond your control. Make being happy easy! Adopt rational if/then beliefs that are easy to accomplish. Like, “If I get up in the morning, then I will be happy.”
Let go of all if/then beliefs that condition your happiness on things beyond your control. Why not decide to be happy for no reason? Decide to be happy NOW. Why put it off any longer? Get rid of the self-imposed, irrational beliefs that prevent you from being unconditionally happy now.
“But it’s hard”, I hear someone say. What’s harder: feeling happy or feeling miserable? Both take work, at least initially. Feeling happy is less stressful, more pleasurable, and contributes to better health.
The choice is yours. Control the only thing over which you have total and complete control: your thoughts. Choose happiness now. Unconditionally.
2 comments
Kayelle Allen says:
September 5, 2008 at 12:08 am (UTC -5 )
I’ve always believed that the only thing I could change in any situation was how I reacted to it – by changing how I thought about it. For example, one person is terrified by roller coasters because the ride makes them feel out of control. Another person lives for the excitement of being out of control. Both face the same situation, but each experiences it differently – only because of the way they think and feel about being out of control.
Emotions can be controlled and overcome. It may take time, and discipline, and training. But it can be done. Great stuff, David! Thanks for posting it.
Allison Sellers says:
November 22, 2008 at 3:04 pm (UTC -5 )
I love your site, I have added it to my bookmarks and will come again soon. Keep up the good work.